Zenith Jackson, captain of the Conquistador, paced back and forth as his first mate, Datt Mamon, explained the situation.
“The environment is friendly enough to humans in our suits. There’s little danger to the recon party. Well, we did pick up some large heat signatures dotted around the planet, but those are probably geysers or-”
“I want this planet, Datt!” interrupted Zenith. “Even though we can synthesize any other particle in the universe, this is the only place where we can find Hardtofindium. Do you know how much the crystals will be worth on the Interplanetary Black Market? Yeah, a lot! Prepare the team!”
Half an hour later, the four crew members shot out of the gleaming spaceship in the small shuttle craft.
“One hour until landing,” said Ella, a newbie shuttle pilot.
“Wake me up when we get there,” yawned Greg as he settled into one of the bunks.
Nicole, a robot maintenance specialist, glanced over as the figure began to snore. “How can anyone sleep so much?” she asked.
“Because he’s a security officer. I would know,” replied Joe.
Waking up Greg when the shuttle arrived, the recon crew stepped into the steaming air. Geysers shot up around them as they squelched into the bubbling soil. Joe pulled out his knowitalleter and scanned the surroundings. After a few moments he exclaimed, “I’m picking up a cluster of Hardtofindium over there!” pointing to a mound of soil a hundred yards away. The team trudged to the mound. Joe murmured, “The Hardtofindium is still here, but I’m picking up some sort of heat signature... it almost looks like-” The mound began to shake. Soil slid off on all sides as something rose, rose, two meters, three, four. Suddenly, the figure shook and sprayed the crew with soil.
“What the hell?”
“It looks like...”
“A baby!” Ella exclaimed. Albeit a baby four meters tall, with trees for legs and a head like a beach ball about to pop.
“But it’s green...”
A deep sound emanated from the figure, “Ahhh iizzz binn longg tyymme sinss I’ve talked. Hello, creatures. Why have you disturbed my sleep?”
“And it speaks English??!!” gasped Greg.
“Of course I speak English, you nitwit!” cried the giant baby.
Having slightly recovered her common sense, Nicole addressed the giant baby. “Excuse us for bothering you, but do you know where any Hardtofindium is?”
“Hardtofindium?” roared the creature, convulsing and making what seemed like choking sounds. “Why, it’s me! It’s in my skin! My skin is made from hardtofindium!”
“And there’s no other Hardtofindium, like in the ground?” asked Greg timidly.
“No, there’s none in the ground. We Bigcuties are able to biologically synthesize the crystals. It can’t be artificially made!”
Zenith, who had been listening and watching the scene through the hidden cameras in Joe’s knowitalleter, spoke a command into Joe’s earpiece: “Kill it.” Joe rapidly signaled to the other crew members. As the creature watched in confusion, the four pulled out their laser pistols and shot blinding high energy beams at the giant baby. After three seconds of shooting Joe stopped, expecting to see the massive baby topple to the ground, boiled from the inside.
“Oh crap,” he whispered as the creature towered overhead, unperturbed. It turned its head towards Joe, saying, “Well, that was rude of you.”
With remarkable swiftness the Bigcutie reached down and plucked Joe off of the ground. Joe’s screams for help were quickly cut off as the giant baby stuffed him in its mouth.
Onboard the Conquistador, Zenith spun towards his first mate. “What’s happening to the others?”
“They’re running away, back towards the ship, but the life-form is following them, and...” Datt trailed off as, one by one, the little red dots on the screen blinked out. “Oh my god,” he whispered, slumping into a chair.
A stunned silence filled the room. After a minute Zenith spoke, “Well, at least we didn’t go, like we’d planned on originally”.
“That’s true,” agreed Datt. Sighing, he shook his head and got up determinedly. “So what’s the plan? How are we gonna kill this damn thing?”
“How did it resist the laser beams?”
“It must be the Hardtofindium. From the scan Hoe ran, it completely dissipates huge amounts of energy, making laser beams useless.”
“Would rockets work?”
“No, Hardtofindium would absorb the impact.”
“The shrapnel too?”
Shaking his head, Datt said, “It would just glance off. This stuff is harder than diamonds.”
“So what you’re saying,” said Zenith, “is that we don’t have any weapons that can kill this thing?”
“... No.”
Narrowing his eyes and pretending to think about it, Zenith finally shrugged. “I guess we should just... leave... then.”
“Umm... I guess so.”
“Well... replicate some coffins, and um, we’ll hold a ceremony in a few days.”
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